Fast Confession - Tereza Fajksová: I'm literally a psycho mom

How did you come to be here in Slovakia, in Jasná in the Low Tatras?

I was invited to come and see the beautiful Slovak Tatras. I think this is my fifth time here, so I know my way around. But it's a pity that we can't go skiing. I missed two years because of my pregnancy and my daughter's birth. And exactly today, there's a "minus" 0.4 centimeters of snow here, so I'll have to wait another year.

You're not particularly limited by maternity?

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It limits me in a big way, even pregnancy did. But that's my fault. The beginning of my pregnancy was somewhat difficult, so I thought I wouldn't risk anything and I'd simply have to endure it for a while. I used to be a great sportswoman, always traveling. I quit everything when I saw the two lines on the pregnancy test.

Now I'm slowly starting to look around and "live" again. We are currently traveling mainly around the Czech Republic. We've visited the Adrspach Rocks, the Beskids, the Highlands, Central Bohemia. We've also stopped in Poland for a while. And now we're actually on our second international trip here in Slovakia, so we're going big.

Did you come with your mother?

I came with my boyfriend's mom. She is the third person, after me and my boyfriend, whom I trust with our little one, because she's with her often and knows her well. Boys will be boys. When you tell them "take care of the baby", their idea of "caring" is that they'll play with her for a while and then start doing stuff on their phone, while sitting next to the baby and "watching". They don't notice the soiled diapers until after a few hours.

Was your pregnancy planned?

The pregnancy was planned. After twelve years, I stopped taking hormonal contraceptives, which I would never do again, and we were tying to conceive a baby since January. I was even taking ovulation tests, and every time, something came into it. Whether it was the death of my grandfather, final exams or work abroad. We finally succeeded in June.

You were at your friend Monika Leová's wedding at the time, and you had an accident there. Did you already know that you were pregnant?

I didn't know I was pregnant. Monika's wedding was sometime in June and naturally, I was shoveling tartar steaks and sushi down my throat and drinking alcohol there, which I normally don't do at all. But she's one of my closest friends, so I wanted to really enjoy her wedding.

As a result, I suddenly ended up in the emergency room with fever, dehydration and chills a day or two later. I had all the typical symptoms of poisoning. If you've ever experienced it, you understand. At that time, they left me waiting in the emergency room for four hours. They even locked me up in the contagion ward and left, saying they had some emergencies.

I could hardly remain standing and I couldn't get through to my boyfriend because he was attending a stag party. They didn't give me anything to drink until two or three hours later, and only at the insistence of my boyfriend's mom, who was the only person I was able to reach.

What was it like in the hospital?

They staff in Bohunice in Brno began to act no sooner than after four hours. There was only one doctor in the entire department, including the emergency room. Eventually, there was an exchange of shifts, so a nice doctor took me in. But overall, I have a very bad experience with the contagion ward in Bohunice, albeit most of it is related to a particular nurse, so as not to wrong everyone. I learned that I was pregnant the day after Monča's wedding and the next day I went to the hospital. So the feelings of joy were replaced by great concern for the baby. And the worries only intensified when the doctors openly told me that either the fetus would be able to handle it or not. That chances were 50 to 50.

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How did that affect you? And how did it affect your partner?

My partner was my support at that time, but I was completely shaken. I was sent to the gynecology department next, where I waited two more hours, for a change. I couldn't even stand up, so my boyfriend pretty much had to carry me there in the end. Seven hours in poor physical and mental condition. This is not to complain about my case, but about the overall care in the emergency room and in the contagion ward at the aforementioned hospital in general.

So was it food poisoning?

They told me it was gastroenteritis, so food poisoning, yes. In the end, I spent three days at the gynecology department with a drip in my arm.

And have you been careful since then?

I've been a psycho mom since. Throughout my entire pregnancy, I made sure to take great care of myself. Mainly of what I eat. Until the fifth month I was vomiting, had hot flashes, anxiety attackts. For me, pregnancy wasn't a walk in the park, and I think hormonal contraceptives made it worse. I have friends who didn't even know they were pregnant, I envied them. It's very individual. Unfortunately, this was my experience. And I think there are much worse cases out there.

After giving birth, I started breastfeeding. And I was even more careful, because while breastfeeding, there are even more things you shouldn't be eating than when you are pregnant.

Your little Lilien is nine months old now. That must be more fun…

Yeah, she's a darling. I'm not trying to hide the fact that at the beginning I got depressed, probably lactation psychosis. But I don't understand how it could have happened, because I'd been really looking forward to my baby girl. And then I gave birth and it hit me all of a sudden.

Apparently my hormones have gone mad. Or it was because of my pregnancy experience, I really have no idea. But I knew that what I was feeling was wrong. And I decided it had to stop. I was struggling with it internally for about three weeks, and since then, everything was all right.

But it's true that when they brought me the baby after delivery, I looked at her and I didn't feel the great love that everyone describes. I loved her, but it wasn't "it". I was wondering what was wrong with me and I was really upset about it. The motherly love came a month later. Since then, I love her like crazy. It's love like thunder.

Will you and your partner ever get married?

You'd have to ask him that. I keep joking that I gave him a child, and now I'd have to marry him too. (laughs)

But it would be such a natural outcome…

I tell him that at least once a year. I don't know if we've already passed the phase of the greatest disagreement, since we've been together for 13 years. We have a slightly different opinion on the wedding. I would like to have a small wedding with only the two of us, somewhere in the Seychelles, and invite only our loved ones. My boyfriend, on the other hand, wants a huge party in the Czech Republic, so that he could invite all of his friends. And all these friends are looking forward to me inviting all the models.

That's the problem, everyone keeps asking: "When's the wedding?" and "Will you invite the girls?" They imagine it as a huge party, where one of the girls will be wearing a white dress. I don't want that. So we have a little disagreement there.

Tell me, how do you do it, that you've had such a beautiful relationship for thirteen years already? Don't tell me you don't have any disputes. Do you have a recipe for that?

Yeah, the recipe is an Italian relationship. We love each other one day, then hate each other the next. We yell at each other, then hug each other. Just like Italians. Previously, we hardly ever saw each other, because I have been travelling for twelve years, and only now, since my pregnancy, I've been staying at home, which is how it all started. It's not that it isn't working out, but we've never had so many quarrels as we do now that we have a child.

But that probably resulted from the fact that we see each other every day. My partner is stressed from work, I'm exhausted after a whole day with the baby. Normally we would go out for a dinner, to a wellness or to the cinema and release some of the steam. Now it suddenly isn't possible, which is why things often end up in a collision.

Of course, it's always the little things. I tell him, "Look, our girl is missing a sock." And he says, "It must have just slipped off." But I know very well she'd lost it ages ago. And then there's fire in the bush. Piddly stuff, really. Men and women simply see these things a bit differently. Maybe that's why women, not men, give birth.

How long do you want to be on maternity leave and when do you want to return to work?

It depends on when we manage to have our second child. Maybe within a year. We would like to give Lili a sibling in a not so long time span. I probably wouldn't be doing modeling anymore, just as a small extra income. I used to work in Germany, where it's a bit different from here. Fortunately, I still get job offers, for which I am very happy, but I don't want to leave the little one for a longer time just yet.

Modeling offers?

In fact, in just a month after the delivery, people from Hamburg already contacted me, asking whether I was working yet. Of course, at such a time, one has slightly different worries and values. But I definitely want to go back to Hamburg and maybe even work normally. We'll see what the future brings. I have a university education, I've studied international territorial studies, so maybe some diplomacy based on my experience. We'll see. But it's all in Prague. So I would have to move to Prague, but my boyfriend isn't excited about that.

Is he from Brno?

Yeah, and he's proud of it. I was born in Ivančice, so South Moravia is our home. But for me, job opportunities are mostly in Prague.

How long has it been since Miss anyway?

Which one? Czech Miss? That was in 2012.

You were 24 years old then. How do you remember that period?

That was a wonderful time. The good thing is that two years back I was still on an official journey as Miss Earth, so even five years after my victory, I was still traveling under the auspices of Miss Earth. It is a beautiful feeling - to be desired on the international scene even after so many years. And here I thought I was already over the hill.

Another thing I'm interested in is your life on social networks. Has your circle of followers changed over the years?

It has. The number of men decreased and the number of mothers increased. Suddenly, I stopped posting photos in lingerie and photos from the catwalks, so some of the athletes unfriended me and women started to add me. And sometimes it's much more liberating.

You've been in a relationship for 13 years. Are guys still chasing you?

They sure do! Although Lilinka already has more suitors than me. (laughs) People were writing me all the time, be they celebrities or unknown guys, athletes, actors. I guess they tought if I don't have a ring, they can keep trying. But it's true that since I've had a baby, there has been a lot less messages from men. I don't know what happened. (laughs) I must look worn out.

And how about Christmas? How are you getting ready for the holidays? It will be your first Christmas with your new family.

Actually, it will be the first Christmas that I'll spend without my parents, because we decided that until I had my own family, I would be with them. So this will be the first Christmas that I'll spend with my own family. Me with my partner, daughter and dog.

The little one won't be able to make sense of it yet, but I'm a fan of all the flashing things, trees, so our home will look like the village of Santa Claus. I look forward to lights blinking everywhere and her watching them, even if she doesn't understand it. Of course, she already has four gifts from us, then grandparents will join in and we can start looking for a new home, because there won't be any space left at our place. As for fairy tales, of course, Three Nuts for Cinderella are the top.

And you do bake?

I do, but with my mum. Gingerbread, Linzer and vanilla rolls. My mother bakes those and I bake gingerbread and Linzer. I like them with jam and I really enjoy decorating them, that's my thing. I look forward to baking together with my daughter in our family circle.

How did your life change due to being a mother?

You have no time for yourself, for your activities, hobbies or needs. You devote your entire time to the child. As we say with a friend of mine, you can't be without them, but you need rest. So there's a huge conflict of interests.

On top of that, I have a dog. I always say I have two children. I try to distribute my time between the baby and the dog, which, of course, is jealous and requires attention. He's been with me for ten years, he's a twenty-pound baby. Suddenly, you realizes that you can't fit anything in the little time you have, and that all you ate in a day was a bread roll with a slice of ham. Since I'm still breastfeeding, of course I have to eat something to provide her with nutrition and nutrients, but somehow I'm managing poorly.

You suddenly wake up from this comfortable, free life and realize that all you do is washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, the same stereotype over and over again. And the fact that mothers sacrifice all their time to taking care of others reflects on them. Or at least that's how it is in my social circle. We all have short hair, skin like 12-year-old adolescents and bruises all over our bodies from vitamin deficiency.

That's strange. And how did it change you mentally? Do you feel more mature and more responsible?

The responsibility is enormous. And with it the weight on your shoulders. Your life changs from one day to another. It is a wonderful feeling and at the same time, it's terribly scary, I'm still searching for the correct term. I'm much more caring, it will give me stomach ulcers one day!

I mean, it's possible to travel all over the world with a child, why not. But I am so worried about her that I would rather be locked up at home or travel around the Czech Republic and Europe than expose her to any danger. Every parent has their limit set elsewhere, and every mother does it the way she thinks it's best. And she does it right.

My daughter was ill for five days now. She had the sixth disease. And even though I don't take her to children's collectives or places where there are large crowds, she still caught it. So I guess there's no avoiding these things. But honestly, being at home with a sick child is a real purgatory. All mothers are heroines and deserve a medal!

And are you happy?

I'm very happy in that I have my baby girl. Children really area a great joy and gift. But at the same time I haven't got used to the separation from the rest of the world. Yet I firmly believe that it will change when my little girl grows up a bit. We will travel the whole world together. And I'm looking forward to it. I give her another two years and we're on it.

Thank you for the interview.