Trench coats everywhere you look! Detective Colombo and his wife would be excited about the new Louis Vuitton collection

Now I know what Columbo's wife looks like!

The secret's out! Finally, we have an answer to the question, where inspector Colombo had been hiding the wife he kept talking about in every episode, although nobody had ever seen her. All this time, she's been in Louis Vuitton's closet! And do you know what that means? Yes, we're deep in the eighties. It wasn't an altogether bad time, but unfortunately fashion isn't one of the memorable things about it.

Honestly, I'm not too excited about the new collection of this famous brand. Actually, that was a lie, I'm totally disgusted. I remember how all of my mom's crazy friends wanted to go partying in similar garbs, and they were mad at mom that she couldn't join them because she had to keep an eye on me. Later, she would always try these models on in front of the mirror with tears in her eyes, as she tried to figure out where to leave me, so that she could have some fun. Good thing there were no baby boxes back then, otherwise I'm not sure what would have happened.

Esso pesso

Open in gallery (3)

But let's go back to Colombo's wife. This is exactly what she looks like. Only she's got a perm and is about 30 years older. But she definitely wears this trenchcoat. The thing underneath seems to be the right color, but the dress would be too short for the detective's wife. Other than Mrs. Colombo, this model also used to be popular with many a pervert roaming in Prague's parks. They would always jump out of a bush, open their trenchcoat and show their ding dong to passer-by of any gender and age, while shouting Esso Pesso! If that's not a good reason never to wear this nasty thing, I don't know what is.

Poisonous toadstool

Open in gallery (3)

I don't know if it's the model, or her hairstyle that used to be popular pre-revolution, but she looks super tiny. In any case, this is what labour office employees wear at Prague 10. You know, this shape that makes a woman look like she's got a ton of padding or weird-shaped muscles instead of shoulders, and she makes the overall impression of a giant mushroom. A poisonous one at that, because finding a nice person at the labour office (or any office, if we are to be honest) would be a small miracle.

Jackson lives!

Open in gallery (3)

If Michael Jackson were still alive, he would have definitely bought this. It's exactly his style. A costume to be shown in front of crowds of fans, not an ensemble you could wear to work or to the theatre. On top of that, it can be worn by both women and men, gender differences are blurred here again.

I've go to tell you that this is one of the worst Louis Vuitton collections in the last few years. I hope that next year, we'll be inquarantine, so that we wouldn't have to look at the streets crowded with millennials, who believe that these models are cool without knowing anything about the communist era. It's weird to make a fashion trend out of something that used to be worn out of necessity back in the day, because there was nothing else on the market...