I'm taking a Vietnamese: No one will find out at the wedding ceremony whether the marriage is legally concluded
When Anna, a Czech woman, decided to go to Prague for an internship, she had no idea that she would meet a person who would change her life forever. During lunch break in one of Prague's Vietnamese restaurants, she took a liking to a young, smiling Vietnamese man named Minh. He was the owner of the restaurant and impressed her not only with his culinary skills but also with his friendly and sincere nature.
Their first conversations started over meals. Minh taught her how to properly use chopsticks, and explained to her the stories of traditional Vietnamese dishes. Gradually, they began to meet more often. Anna introduced him to Czech culture, took him for traditional Czech beer, and taught him how to cook dumplings. Their different cultures never divided them. On the contrary, they became a bridge connecting them. After several years, during a vacation in Vietnam, Minh asked Anna to marry him right on a rice field surrounded by mountains. Their wedding was a celebration of two cultures. Today, Anna and Minh live happily and combine Czech-Vietnamese traditions in their daily life. For both of them their love is proof that differences can be the greatest gift if they are built on mutual understanding and respect.
What is important when organizing a Vietnamese wedding?
Engagement Ceremony (Đám Hỏi)
The wedding process in Vietnam begins with the engagement (Đám Hỏi), which is a formal request for the bride's hand. Đám Hỏi is similar to the actual wedding ceremony, although it is simpler and has certain variations. It is customary for the groom's parents to lead the procession to the bride's family's home. Upon arrival, the groom and his family ask for permission to marry. If they get it, they go inside, where gifts are exchanged and the ceremony can continue.
Members of the groom's family usually bring gifts. Vietnamese believe that an odd number of gifts brings bad luck, so they pay special attention to buying an even number.
Traditionally, gifts are stored in red tin cans, otherwise known as Mam Qua, which are additionally covered with red pieces of fabric. Among the gifts are tea, wine, fruit, cakes, betel leaves, and other symbolic items carried by single girls or boys. The dominant red color represents happiness, prosperity, and good relationships.
Before the groom officially gets the green light to see his bride, he must show gifts to her family members. If he does so, the bride's mother will accompany her to her future husband. The groom will give her a bouquet and the couple will find themselves on the way to the altar for a tea ceremony and a candle ceremony.
It was normal for the bride and groom to meet for the first time on the day of their engagement. However, in recent decades, the practice of arranged marriages has become obsolete and the engagement ceremony is almost not performed. Those who still celebrate the ceremony use it as a means to simply announce the engagement.
Thoughtful Decoration
The decoration of the wedding venue is usually primarily composed of two colors, red and gold.
Tea Ceremony and Candle Ceremony
Vietnamese wedding traditions and customs, such as the tea ceremony and the candle ceremony, are dedicated to the beloved couple and their elders and ancestors. This specific event is when a formal meeting between the two families occurs. It is also the time when the bride and groom exchange their vows and rings. Then, the bride and groom serve the families chrysanthemum or green tea. The couple should offer it first to the oldest members, to show them respect and recognition. When everyone has a sip of tea, the newlyweds receive money and jewelry. At the end of the tea and candle ceremony, they light a candle of dragon and phoenix, which officially symbolizes the unity of families.
Traditional Dress (Áo Dái)
When preparing for a wedding with a Vietnamese person, you will not avoid combining two traditions. While the bride may prefer white dresses typical for Czech weddings, a great gesture towards Vietnamese culture is to wear the traditional Vietnamese costume Áo Dái, worn by both the bride and the groom.
This elegant long garment with a high collar is typically adorned with gold and red embroidery, symbolizing happiness and wealth. Brides usually wear red Ao Dai, while grooms wear blue. As an accessory to the dress, they wear a headpiece reminiscent of a halo, called Khan Dong.
Couples usually have their áo dài made to order and can choose different patterns. For example, if the groom was born in the year of the dragon, the bride may incorporate a dragon pattern into her clothing.
It is not uncommon for couples of different cultures, one of which is Vietnamese, to organise another wedding ceremony after the tea and candle ceremonies. It gives the bride a chance to wear a white wedding dress and the groom a tuxedo. As for the venue, it tends to be influenced by the couple's religion, with Catholic churches probably being the most popular choice.
Wedding procession
Overall, a traditional Vietnamese wedding looks very similar to Đám Hỏi, the traditional Vietnamese engagement ceremony and engagement party. On the wedding day, the groom's family and relatives go to the bride's house and again bring many gifts wrapped in red boxes. These gifts are similar to those from the engagement: betel leaves and areca nuts, wines, fruits, cakes, tea and more. The people who hold these trays are also carefully selected, most of them are happily married couples this time.
The groom's procession will arrive to the bride's house doors, where a married couple from the bride’s family will greet them. Everyone goes into the bride's house, where they meet the bride's family. However, the bride should be hidden in another room. The bride's family takes the gifts, takes the trays, and someone from the bride's side (usually the bride's father) gives a speech welcoming the groom's family.
Prayer at the altar
Many Vietnamese couples today hold their wedding ceremony in temples or churches, which is very similar to the American and Western style, including the exchange of vows and engagement rings. However, they still maintain the traditional Vietnamese ceremony at the bride's house before they go to temples or churches.
In temples, it's time for the couple to pray at the altar. First, the groom's parents pray, followed by the bride's parents, and finally the bride and groom pray together.
The Vietnamese tradition does not precisely fit into any of the main world religious traditions, so the prayers are focused on the couple's ancestors and include an altar with lit candles and small sacrifices, sometimes incense, which the praying people hold in their hands until their silent prayers end. After bowing, they place a fragrant stick into a small incense burner. At this point, the couple may exchange jewelry and put each other's engagement rings on.
Some people may be surprised to find out that there is no specific moment in Vietnamese ceremonies when the official would proclaim that the couple got married. There is no single moment in time when a couple goes from being "unmarried" to "married" and there is no factor responsible for this action, so every member in the family has to know what to do next.
After the wedding ceremony, some feasts are held at the groom's house, as traditional Vietnamese wedding feasts are celebrated in their homes (usually in rural areas), others are celebrated in a restaurant. During the meal music plays. Guests may sing related wedding songs on the stage to make the bride and groom happy.
Wedding banquet
As for food, at every reception, at least eight courses are served in most cases. The table is not without traditional Vietnamese dishes. The traditional menu includes, for example, wedding cakes bánh phu thê (fidelity cakes), spring rolls (nem cuốn), lotus seed soup, braised meats, seafood, Pho (iconic Vietnamese soup) and various types of rice.
Greetings at the table
As a sign of recognition, the bride and groom visit each table at the reception and greet their guests. They go from table to table, making toasts and paying tribute to the most important person sitting at each table.
At many Vietnamese wedding banquets, lion dancers perform. The performance blesses the couple with a long and happy marriage.
The Importance of Family
In Vietnamese culture, the family plays a central role.
Vietnamese people are proud of their strong family ties and marriage is not only a bond between two people, but also their families. Newlyweds often actively participate in supporting their parents, both financially and emotionally, which may be less common in the Czech Republic. In Czech marriages, greater emphasis is usually placed on individuality and independence after marriage.
Traditional Vietnamese families may have a more conservative approach to the division of housework. The woman is often perceived as the one who takes care of the household and children, while the man is responsible for the financial security of the family.
On the other hand, Czech couples tend to share more responsibilities and partners are more equal in this respect.
Vietnamese food is among the healthiest
Vietnamese cuisine is characterized by fresh ingredients, minimal use of dairy products and oil, and also frequent use of various spices. Typical ingredients include ginger, mint, coriander, chili, cinnamon, and lime, which give the dishes their characteristic taste and smell.
Vietnamese cuisine is known for its balance of five Asian elements - spice, sourness, bitterness, saltiness, and sweetness - and is among the most interesting in the world. It often applies the Yin-Yang principle, which strives for harmony between the individual components of the food.
Traditional dishes include "Tiết Canh", which is a pudding made from pure animal blood. The most popular food in Vietnam is rice, closely followed by the famous noodles "Pho", which are considered one of the culinary symbols of the country.
View on Traditions and Respect for Ancestors
Vietnamese place great emphasis on traditions and respect for ancestors, which is also reflected in marital life. Shared rituals, such as prayers at the family altar, are a natural part of their life. In the Czech Republic, these traditions are less pronounced and marital life is more influenced by the modern lifestyle, which is more focused on the present and the future than on the past.
Conflicts and Their Resolution
Vietnamese people often try to avoid open confrontation in conflicts, because harmony in the family is key for them. Problems can be solved rather discreetly or through older family members who help to resolve the situation. On the contrary, Czech couples are usually more open in expressing their feelings and resolving conflicts directly with each other.
Social Expectations
In Vietnamese culture, it is common that pressure is exerted on spouses (especially women) by the wider family and community. For example, expectations regarding the birth of children or behavior towards relatives. In the Czech Republic, social expectations are less pronounced and couples have more freedom in deciding about their lives.
You will be riding a motorcycle
According to data from 2023, Vietnam has approximately 100 million inhabitants. It was estimated in 2022 that there were about 70 million motorcycles in the country. This means that for every 10 inhabitants there are approximately 7 motorcycles, which indicates that motorcycles are widespread and popular as a means of transport in Vietnam.
Would you like to marry a Vietnamese man?
Source: author's text, bubo.sk, theknot.com, colorandchic.com, eastmeetsdress.com, vinpearl.com, vietnamdiscovery.com
