I'm taking an Israeli: I knew I would be a soldier's wife. Lonely nights, watching the news and hoping he will return alive
Currently, Israel is in a state of war, which brings great risks to everyday life. Attacks, air raids, and tense political situations can seriously affect your married life if you decide to live in this country. You need to consider if you are ready to live in constant uncertainty, where the security situation can change dramatically from day to day.
In addition to physical threats, there is also a psychological factor. Life in a war zone can be stressful and emotionally exhausting. If your partner serves in the Israeli army, you have to reckon with the fact that he may be called up for active service, which means long separations and constant fear for his safety. Wars and conflicts also have a significant impact on the country's economy. Prices for housing, basic foodstuffs and services can be high in Israel. The unstable economic situation can also affect employment and the availability of basic services, which can affect your family budget and standard of living.
But let's take it one step at a time. I'll tell you a story of a Czech woman named Majka, who fell in love with an Israeli. We met and she started telling me her story about how they met.
"I met Eliav quite by chance," she said. "I was sitting with a friend in a small cafe in Tel Aviv, when a tall, dark-haired man at the next table laughed. The laughter was so sincere that I couldn't help myself and I couldn't resist a smile. A few minutes later, the waiter brought us two glasses of wine with a message: "From the gentleman at the table." I looked in his direction and he smiled at me awkwardly.
A beginning full of uncertainty
Eliav was a soldier, serving in an elite unit of the Israeli army. When he told me, I laughed at first, thinking he was joking. But when he showed me his military ID and a message appeared on his phone with an order to join the next day, I realized his reality was completely different from mine. I was a tourist and he was a man who risked his life every day.
The first weeks were incredible. Every free day we spent together. But every time he had to go to base, the silence came. That terrible, deep silence filled with uncertainty. What if something happens to him? What if he never responds to my message again?
Love in the shadow of war
One day, he didn't reply for three days. I knew he was on a mission, but I couldn't help myself and I panicked. When his message finally came, my heart was beating like crazy. "I'm fine. I'm thinking about you. When I get back, I'll take you to a place where you'll see the most beautiful sunset in Israel."
That night I realised I love him. And that life with him will never be easy.
A decision that changed everything
After six months between the Czech Republic and Israel, he asked me to move. I knew what it meant to live in a country where the siren could sound at any time, where people live with the knowledge that tomorrow is uncertain. I knew I would be a soldier's wife, spending nights alone, watching the news and hoping he would come back alive.
But I also knew that I loved him more than anything else. So I packed my bags and went after him. That's the end of her story. In the end, they didn't have a wedding in Israel. But they got married in the Czech Republic, where they stayed. But I was curious, what are the wedding traditions in Israel?
Marriage Options
In Israel, it is not possible to enter into civil marriage between partners of different religions. Marriage is only concluded through religious institutions, which means that if you are not both Jews, marriage in Israel is not possible. However, if you want to enter into civil marriage, you can get married in another country. Just like Majka and Eliav.
During Shabbat, weddings cannot be held. In Judaism, it is the seventh day of the week.
Pre-wedding rituals
If it is a Mizrahim couple (a couple from Mizrahi Jewish communities, i.e. from the Middle East and North Africa regions. Mizrahim are Jews who come from these areas, unlike Ashkenazim who come from Europe), the Henna ceremony and celebrations will probably take place a few days or a week before the wedding. At the Henna celebration, the bride, groom, their families and some guests dress up in traditional clothes, exchange gifts (often wrapped fruit and sweets), eat traditional food from their country, and dance to traditional Mizrahim songs. The night ends with a ceremony of painting a red hen, which is supposed to protect the newlyweds from the evil eye and also bless them with a happy married life.
Israeli Arabs have a tradition of weekly celebrations, which include writing invitations for all guests. If the bride and/or groom are Ashkenazim, they may have a Shabbat Chatan before the wedding, during which the groom reads from the Torah in synagogue and is then rewarded with sweets and other treats. After the prayers, a Kiddush reception is held in honor of the couple. Mizrahim do this during the Shabbat after the wedding.
Separation of the bride and groom
This custom has a symbolic meaning, because separating bride and groom before the wedding emphasizes the seriousness of their relationship and the sanctity of the ceremony itself. In many cases, it is a tradition that stems from religious belief, according to which it is important for the couple not to meet before the wedding to preserve the purity of their relationship. Mizrahim, who have already seen each other at the Henna ceremony, have a slightly different tradition, where meeting before the wedding is not considered a taboo.
Shidduch - matchmaking of partners
Although many pairs in Israel now find love the natural way, the custom of shidduch - the process of arranging a marriage through a mediator (shadchan) - is still observed in Orthodox communities. The goal is to find a suitable partner based on shared values and family background.
Tenaim - engagement and family agreement
Tenaim is a traditional betrothal ceremony where the families of the betrothed agree on the conditions of the wedding. They often break a dish as a sign of the finality of the agreement.
Fasting
In some Jewish communities, a couple fasts from sundown on the night before the wedding and breaks the fast with the first glass of wine at the ceremony. The couple fasts in order to purify themselves before the wedding.
Mikveh – the bride's purification bath
Before the wedding, the bride undergoes a ritual bath in a mikveh, which is a symbol of purification and spiritual preparation for marriage. This custom is still common in orthodox Jewish communities today.
Wedding attire
At most Jewish weddings, all men wear kippot or caps. Married women may be offered lace head coverings. These head coverings are usually provided by the couple to complement their color scheme and wedding style.
Very traditional grooms may wear a white overgarment called a kittel. A talit (prayer shawl) may also be worn during the ceremony as part of his traditional Jewish wedding attire. The bride at a Jewish wedding usually wears a white dress and a veil covering her face during the ceremony. If the wedding is to take place in a synagogue, the bride (and actually all guests) should wear clothing that covers the shoulders, whether it is a dress with sleeves or a removable scarf or jacket.
Badeken/bedeken– veiling of the bride
Badeken is something like a check. Before the ceremony itself, the groom comes to the bride and covers her face with a veil. This custom comes from the biblical story of Jacob, who accidentally married the wrong woman because she had her face covered. Badeken ensures that the groom marries the right bride.
Mizrahi/Sephardic weddings don't have this act and the bride goes to the ceremony already veiled.
Chuppa – wedding canopy
The wedding ceremony takes place under a chuppah, which is a canopy symbolizing the shared home of the newlyweds.
Kidushin – engagement and ring
During the ceremony, the groom gives the bride a ring with the words: "Hare at mekudeshet li betaba'at zo kedat Moshe veYisrael" ("By this ring, you are consecrated to me according to the law of Moses and Israel"). This act formally binds the couple in marriage.
Ketuba/Ketubah – marriage contract
Ketubah is a traditional Jewish marriage contract that establishes the rights and obligations of spouses. It is signed by two witnesses and is an important legal document in Judaism.
Sheva Brachot - Seven Blessings
The Ashkenazi Jewish ceremony consists of the Sheva Brachot (seven blessings), reading of the ketubah, and exchange of rings.
It usually begins with the bride circling the groom under the canopy seven times, although some less religiously based couples divide this and walk around each other, or walk together in a circle. Seven blessings are recited, the first of which is over a cup of wine from which the betrothed then drink.
Breaking the glass
The ceremony ends with the groom's glass being broken and he crushing it with his foot. Some believe that breaking the glass is a somber moment to reflect on the destruction of the two Jewish temples.
The guests usually shout "Mazal Tov!" (congratulations/good luck) and the bride and groom kiss.
At a Mizrahim wedding, it is without circumvention. There the groom lifts the bride's veil during the exchange of rings. Unlike at an Ashkenazi wedding, the bride remains veiled until the moment they kiss).
Yihud
Immediately after the ceremony, the newlyweds retreat to a private room for 15 minutes of personal time. No relatives, no seating chart tables, no videographer. Just you and your new husband looking into each other's eyes.
Hora Dance
The popular dance is the hora, which is danced in a circle and the dancers hold each other by the hand or shoulder. The closed circle represents unity and close interpersonal relationships. Newlyweds may be raised on chairs. Hora is often referred to as the Israeli national dance.
At the beginning of the wedding banquet, dancing and celebration takes place, but men and women are separated. After a few hours, the livelier celebration begins. This usually happens after the older guests leave, leading to the mixing of men and women (but not at Orthodox weddings).
Food
According to Jewish wedding traditions, you will almost always find chicken and fish here. As a first course, you can have sutlach - sweet rice pudding with coconut milk, honey, and almonds, which symbolizes a sweet and prosperous life. If you want to be kosher, you will have to choose between food that includes meat or dairy products, but not both. Pork and shellfish are usually not served.
You will also receive a ceremonial meal, which will include challah (braided bread eaten during the Sabbath and holidays).
Birkat Hamazon
The last Jewish wedding ritual is the Birkat Hamazon, or Blessing after the meal. This blessing is recited by guests, often with the help of distributed prayer books. The seven blessings are then repeated. During the last blessing, the wine is blessed, then poured from two glasses into one, is drunk from the original glass, and two more glasses are given to the newlyweds for them to drink.
Cultural and Religious Differences
Living in Israel means adapting to a different culture, traditions, and religious rules. For example, observance of the Sabbath, dietary restrictions (kosher food), and strict religious practices can be a challenge for someone who is not used to it. If you are not from a Jewish family, your relationship may be exposed to pressure from Israeli society and your partner's family.
Legal Implications of Marriage
In the case of divorce in Israel, religious laws apply, which can be complicated, especially in the case of mixed marriages. If you're not both Jews, divorce can be legally challenging. Therefore, it is advisable to consult a family law expert before the wedding, so you know what your options are if the relationship is not working.
The decision to marry an Israeli during a time of war is a very personal one and depends on individual priorities and willingness to face challenges. If you're not sure if you're prepared to live in a country affected by conflict, you can consider alternatives, such as living in the Czech Republic or another safe country. Even though love is strong, one must also think about the reality of everyday life and the safety of you and your family.
Source: author's text, own inquiry, Brides.com, Reformjudaism.org, Bebke.com, Theknot.com
